this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
