She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
