I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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