It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I deserve this hangover.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
