Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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