Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
