Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
