Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
