Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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