I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's never too late to be topless.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
