If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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