Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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