Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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