So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
