I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
