dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
