Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
