I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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