you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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