wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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