is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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