just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
