I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
