He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
