I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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