You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
