A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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