ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
