There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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