gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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