A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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