We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
