oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
