Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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