you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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