Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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