I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
