You work out of a Hotel?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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