A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
