please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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