Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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