so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
