Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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