thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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