There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
