You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
