You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
