Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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