spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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