the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
