i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
