Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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