SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
