There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
