you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
