You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
