I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
